today i woke to find news of her death on my phone.

the blood drained out of me. that cold, empty feeling.

for much of last week she had been on my mind. how is she, where is she, is she even still alive? i thought of messaging her brother to ask. but i have sensed a darker story for a long time. i didn’t want to open wounds. so i didn’t.

it’s been years since we had contact. our actual physical time together as young friends wasn’t that long. obviously she impacted me, left an impression. most of that short time we had, we got up to no good. i felt she was troubled even then. but i adored her; she was like the sun, shining so bright and drawing me to her warmth. 

it seems strange to be so sad for someone whose presence in my life was fleeting. i guess she was part of an important and precious period for me. i doubt she realised that.

i wish i had known her more. 

my sadness is probably greater because i should have done something a week ago. reached out, sent some love- a message across oceans and time. but it’s too late.

that’s a hard lesson to learn.

now the sun is also a star. x